He expressed,“Throughout my time with the group, I had low self-esteem.
So I often though, ‘Maybe I have no real talent.
‘“After the disbandment of H.O.T, Tony An faced the fear of standing on his own.
But I’m good at talking, so I thought I need to show what I can do well.
Tony An recalled,“At one point, I started getting severe headaches.
I was taking 8 headache pills a day, but the pain wouldn’t go away.
That’s when someone advised me to see a psychiatrist.
So I went to see one for the first time.
But I felt completely powerless.
I didn’t want to do anything.
I would work, but I’d spend my time blankly, and no positive thoughts came to me.
Only negative thoughts kept coming.
I started to wonder, ‘What is the point of this life?'”
Things got worse when Tony combined alcohol and medication, resulting in a frightening incident.
He explained,“I woke up to a wet feeling near my head.
My bed was soaked in blood.
I had no memory of what happened.
When I looked in the mirror, I saw that I had no hair.
I must have accidentally cut my ear while trying to cut my hair with scissors.
Despite these struggles, Tony still found a turning point.
“One day, a fan gave me a book.
It was ‘Letting Go’ by missionary Lee Yong-kyu,“he recalled.
It felt like my story.
That’s when my depression lifted, and hope returned.”
Tony An said that he realized he had to let go to get to overcome his struggles.
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